Monday, March 2, 2009

"We Gotta Get Outta Here. I Think I Just Broke That Kid's Nose."

2 mile w/u
Target: 4 miles @6:50, 800m jog; 3 miles @6:40, 800m jog; 2 miles @6:30, 800m jog; 1 mile @6:20
Actual: Pretty much the above
1.5 mile c/d

Total: 15 miles

A snowy view of Queens Road West from my balcony

Wow. I don't even know where to start with today's post. Trust me, my run was the least interesting part. Basically I did 15 miles hard at McAlpine. The end.

Now here's what really went down. Names have been changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty). So, around noon today I was riding to the dining hall with my friends Donya, Schmave and Zeff in Zeff's truck when a group of teenage hooligans made the unfortunate mistake of hurling a few densely packed snowballs at our passing vehicle. A few of them managed to land a glancing blow or two, but one of the projectiles really connected. Before the rest of us even had an opportunity to process what was going on, Zeff slammed on the brakes, sw
erved over to the side of the road (after putting on his turn signal, what courtesy) and unceremoniously threw the car into "park." With the parting words of "I'll meet you guys at the dining hall," he was bipedal and en route to chasing after the kiddies.

This is basically what we were dealing with today.

Except, not so much "chasing" because he has a boot on his foot right now due to a recent surgery. So while the little brats were scurrying in every direction, Zeff was slowly and methodically hunting them down. The only visual I can liken it to is that of the crazed sociopath played by Javier Bardem in the movie "No Country For Old Men." About 2/3 of the way through the movie he gets shot in the leg during a particularly heated gun battle, then bandages the wound and proceeds with his maniacal killing spree while dragging the injured leg behind him. Unfortunately for the kiddos today, this situation didn't end too differently than it did for the ill-fated movie characters.

Back to the real-life scene: the three of us were still sitting in the truck, somewhat stunned and a bit apprehensive about what is about to transpire. The two delinquents Zeff was stalking scurried off to hide behind what was presumably their house, and Zeff followed them to presumably rat them out to their parents...or so we thought. All I know is, by the time Schmave slid over into the driver's seat and flipped a U to pick up our angry friend, there was no one in sight. As we slowly cruised down the street, we saw Zeff walking/hobbling toward us and quickly picked him up. That was the moment he uttered the words that will live in infamy (and probably in the court reporter's transcript) forever: "We gotta get outta here. I think I just broke that kid's nose."

Needless to say, we skedaddled out of there pretty quickly. According to Zeff's version of events, apparently one of the culprits made the mistake of answering in the affirmative to the fairly rhetorical question, "So you think it's funny to throw snowballs at people's trucks?" Big mistake, little dude. Suffice it to say I'm certain this is a decision he won't make again. Also suffice it to say I'm going to try my hardest not to provoke Zeff's wrath any time soon.

Like I said at the beginning, my run was quite tame by comparison.


Jilane said...

I just cried from laughter.

Let's confirm we will force him to tell his side while slapping bags of wine this weekend. Thanks.

Oh, good run, too.